Lakshmikutty is a bit too shorter than all her friends at school while she is taller than most of her playmates in the neighbourhood park. Her elder brother Shravan is 6 years elder than her but she doesn’t call him Anna (elder brother) most often unless her grandparents insist. She doesn’t like his habit of teasing her or anyone for that matter and so she calls him Shravan. But he thinks he is a pro at cracking silly jokes by teasing people around him including his grandparents. As a primary school kid, she isn’t that short for it to be brought up as a talking point at all but Shravan picks on it often if he is short of any other topic for teasing her. Her Appa loves her so dearly than anyone else. Still, concerning this particular issue he sides with Shravan and his rationale is that Lakshmikutty should learn to handle and respond to people in the society who might tease her or pass comments on her words, actions, her creations, or even her appearance. Shankar takes pride in reiterating this as his logic when Lakshmikutty tries to plead for help to silence Shravan. Neither do her grandparents help her enough that she feels comforted. Rekha is usually in the kitchen or with some household work almost always when someone needs her. Lakshmikutty knows pretty well that if her amma was somewhere around then she’ll come to her rescue and decimate everyone in a single blow of a few sharp words in a sweet tone or at times with just a stare. Lakshmikutty becomes taller than anyone else in the world in the presence of her dearest Rekhamma. No one who has ever interacted with Rekha once would dare to play silly tricks with her. Shankar used to call her Rekhaama (with a double ‘a’) from the time they got married and Lakshmi picked it up and tweaked it to Rekhamma (with a double ‘m’). She is Amma for Shravan though and he tries his level best to behave when she is around.
Dining Table
One evening during supper time, Shravan is full-on in his teasing mode and Lakshmikutty is about to spill her tears. Appa is a silent spectator, grandparents are enjoying the joke too. Shravan usually opens his mouth only after Amma finishes her supper and goes to the sink first to finish her pending kitchen work. Today was no different and the scene was at its climax when Lakhsmi instead of getting disheartened beyond a point recollected Rekhamma’s reminder last night that she should call Amma immediately if anyone at home tries to pick on her next time. Up went her shriek like a siren, ‘Rekhammaaaaaaaa’, followed by pin-drop silence in the dining room. The sound of water hitting steel from the kitchen slowly fades away and here comes Lakshmikutty’s Rekhamma to the dining table. Shravan’s plate has 2 out of 5 chappatis remaining. Appa’s plate is empty. Thaatha (grandfather) and Paatti (grandmother) aren’t smiling anymore but looking at each other as if they haven’t seen each other for a few years. Lakshmikutty’s plate is full and untouched but the mixed emotions on her face make her look all the more cute. She is not sure whether to continue being sad or to jump out of happiness at seeing her saviour right next to her. Appa immediately stands up to leave as if he has foreseen what is going to happen next. By the way, none of them expected that Amma would come there in response to the very first call because usually, she doesn’t move out from the kitchen until all pending work is completed.
She pulls out the chair right next to Lakshmikutty and takes her seat. By the time she pulled out the chair and took her seat, she rotates her eyeballs to look at each one’s face and one piercing glance was enough to make Appa who already started walking towards the wash basin come around and take his seat. Without uttering a single word she starts feeding Lakshmikutty. After feeding her two mouthfuls, she asks Shravan if he wants one dosa. He is terrorized and does not dare to respond to her. Appa is silently looking at him but is controlling his smile so that Shravan’s ego is not hurt. Without waiting for his response she stands up, kisses Lakshmikutty, and goes back to the kitchen. Lakshmikutty continues with her supper like a queen, confidently looking at each of their faces as she chews her chappatis slowly one after the other. She finishes and leaves the dining table graciously. After she leaves one by one each of the others goes without uttering a single word or even looking at each other’s face. Appa is not able to control his smile while he tries to console Shravan but he is all the more angry but confused because of the dosa question than the fact that no one else came to his rescue to save him from Amma. Shravan is sitting on the sofa and staring at the carpet while Appa is on the recliner right in front of him and watching TV. After a short while Shravan picks up the remote and switches off the TV angrily hoping that Appa will remember that he was supposed to console his son and not get hooked to the TV. Even though the TV is off Appa doesn’t even turn back. He walks up to check on Appa only to find him happily sleeping on the recliner. His anger was out of control and tears started welling up. He goes back to the sofa and sits there staring at the carpet again. Lakshmikutty passes by searching for her colour pencils and the expressions on her face and her body language are such that she has totally forgotten the supper episode. Amma calls Lakshmikutty to the bedroom and caresses her as she starts sleeping by the time they are halfway through the second story.
The very next moment she fills water in a jug and takes it to Paatti’s room. Then she walks straight to the living room and sits right next to Shravan. She asks him if Appa is already sleeping. He doesn’t respond. “How many times have I told you not to tease the kid, Shravan?” He is silent. “I warned you several times not to repeat it but you are taking my words lightly.” He jumps up from the sofa and shouts back at her. “Will you be behind Lakshmi to save her always when someone teases her? Will you keep responding on her behalf even at school? You are the one who is spoiling her by pampering her.” No wonder, Thaatha and Paatti woke up from half-sleep and came all the way from the bedroom to the living room to find out the reason for Shravan’s shouting. Appa still seems untouched but he isn’t snoring anymore. Shravan calms down when he realizes that he is the cause of all this drama and sits on the single-seater sofa. Paatti stares at him for a few moments and then walks up to see how Shankar could sleep peacefully amidst all this commotion. To her surprise, Shankar wasn’t sleeping but attentively hearing all that was happening there without turning his head. Rekha quickly stands up and goes straight up to the corner room to check if Lakshmikutty’s sleep is disturbed because of the sound. She is relieved and so closes the door back tight and then comes back to the living room.
Now that Shankar’s acting has gone for a toss, he is sitting on one of the sofas. Rekha requests Thatha and Paatti to take a seat too. She turns to Shankar and asks his opinion. He hesitantly sides with Shravan and adds that Lakshmi needs to learn to be bold now that she is 7 years old already. She needs to face the world and her parents cannot be backing her up all the time. By now, Thaatha and Paatti perceived that Rekha disagrees with Shankar’s perspective and so they had already decided in their mind that if their opinions were sought then they should take the side of Rekha. Though their personal view is that of Shravan’s they are more than sure that Rekha will always be right in whatever she says. However, Rekha doesn’t ask for their opinion but makes a conclusive statement that she knows that Thaatha and Paatti also feel that Shankar is right.
Flashback
Now that all are at ease, she says that she also used to think that this was the right approach during her college days up until she was around 18 years old. No one expected such a twist in the tale and all the 8 eyes widened to their maximum width to take a good look at Rekha’s face. She continued, “My father had quite the same perspective and used to be outrightly rude to me and did not back down from teasing me right from my childhood days. I became bolder than a rogue and by the time I was 10 years old, I learned to handle rude people, ignore insults, and tease back people 5 times older than me by even making them cry if required. I was such an expert at it that I could decimate a group of 10 people in less than 10 seconds if they were trying to tease or insult me. People in my village used to be very cautious while talking to me since they feared my retaliation very much. All those who knew me were very careful to tone down their words the moment they saw me anywhere near, including my teachers and even my principal. The grocery store guy, the roadside vendors, the conductors of all 3 buses that used to ply through my village, the attender and doctor at the only primary health centre, and so on almost every single person who has spoken to me at least once in their lifetime made it a point to be careful with me. Fear of getting insulted by a small girl was a nightmare for each one of them.”
“My father was a civil contractor during his prime years and his normal style of communication was rude with all his employees but he used to tone it down the moment he is with a customer or any such people with authority over him. He was very skilled at it. Days and years went by and I grew up to be a teenager and the tricky side of that habit started to show its face slowly. It was all that funny until I was a child. People didn’t find my style of teasing to be funny anymore since I was a grown-up girl. I was frowned at by several people in public places and complaints started coming home from all quarters. My mother used to start crying at each instance of a complaint reaching home from strangers through acquaintances. My father used to ignore all of this in the beginning but couldn’t take it easy since the frequency increased and the seriousness of the complaints started getting higher and higher. He started advising me to stop teasing strangers but as usual, I used to tease him back since that was how we’ve dealt with each other since my childhood. After a few years, we shifted our residence to Bangalore for my college studies. During my second year at college, one day I was at a movie hall with 2 of my friends. We were almost halfway through the movie and two rows in front of me sat a very tall man I noticed that he kept talking rudely with his wife so loudly that it was a disturbance for all those who were sitting in the nearby rows. I waited for the right time slot and when the background score of a thrilling scene faded out I made a sharp statement which was very insulting to that tall guy. There was a huge round of applause followed by laughter from all around that man. The insult was so well-timed that it was in tune with the movie’s theme too. The guy sprung up and started hurling abuses at all those sitting near him. He shouted at the top of his voice to switch on the lights and stop the screening of the movie immediately. He was so furious that he slapped a few people who objected to his shouting. He wanted the lights on immediately to spot the person who teased him so badly. One of my friends suspected big trouble and so swiftly pulled me out from my seat and dragged me along the aisle to a seat 6 rows in front of our earlier seat. All this happened in a few seconds right after she heard him make a few calls to someone in Kannada. I was fearstruck too seeing the commotion but I did not understand the gravity of all that since I knew only Tamil and English but the tall man was shouting in Kannada. My friend who dragged me out of my seat was a local Kannadiga. By God’s grace, the theatre was half empty and so we were able to choose 3 vacant seats in the back row even though we walked in late after the movie started. Also during this dramatic turn of events, we were able to quickly swap seats easily while the lights were still off. In a matter of less than 3 minutes, the screening stopped and the lights were on and a bunch of goons rushed into the theatre with rods and knives. They wanted to spot me at any cost. My Kannadiga friend told me that the tall guy was the most notorious and influential goon in that locality. Also that he has the open backing of an ex-Minister from Bangalore. Those goons already started slapping and questioning all the ladies sitting in the rows behind the tall guy. Seeing and hearing all this the other friend of mine fainted even though we were several rows away from that spot of violence. Many others around us were also frightened seeing the knives and rods and a few of them were already crying loudly. Within a few minutes, a dozen policemen charged in and took them all away. The theatre manager escorted a few ladies out for first aid, who were bleeding from their noses and mouth after the slaps.”
“My father rushed home that evening and came straight to my room and stared at me for 5 minutes continuously. He did not utter a single word since my mother was around and she eagerly waited to hear the reason for the disturbed look on his face and his peculiar body language. He was shivering from top to bottom but was trying very hard to control his emotions. My mother was an emotionally weak lady and we were very conscious about it always. We did not even dare to allow her to hear any unpleasant news on TV and avoided watching any such channel in her presence. After a few minutes when my father realized that my mother was getting worried, he cooked up a story about some incident in his workplace and distracted her. I was quite certain by then that he has heard about the incident in the theatre a few hours back.”
“After a few minutes, I get a call on my handphone and it was my father, he said- “It is all my fault. I am so sorry” and cut the call after 2 minutes of silence. I didn’t dare to respond or say anything to him and so I just waited to hear all that he had to say. I did not understand why he said that statement that day but exactly after a week I started realizing the gravity of what he meant by that. I ran out to check where he is and why he called me on the phone instead of talking to me in person. I couldn’t find him anywhere in the house and so I asked Amma. She said Appa is cleaning the car. It was his trick to talk to me without Amma getting any clue of any of it. I peeped out and saw that he was sitting inside the car with his phone in his hand.”
Consequence
“I went back to my room and sat there for several minutes and then picked up my phone to talk to my Kannadiga friend only to find around 5 messages on WhatsApp from her. All those were YouTube video links of news reports regarding that incident at the theatre. One of the reports said that the goon has pledged that he will find and take revenge on the lady who teased him after he gets out of jail. Nobody in the theatre or the whole world except 2 of my friends knew that it was me but I was sure that the moment my parents hear anything regarding any teasing anywhere around them they will be certain that it was me. One of my Appa’s customer’s daughter got 3 slaps today afternoon at the theatre and he is afraid to file a complaint against that dangerous goon. He called Appa for a piece of friendly advice regarding this and was very much stressed about it. The moment he heard the details about the incident from his customer he was 100% sure that it was me. That night I decided to slow down and change my habit of casually teasing people even if they tease me. It was a shocker to me that I was not able to refrain from doing it. It was so deeply ingrained into me that even if someone says something which I do not like when I am half asleep I would give them back nicely which they will never forget for the rest of their life. It was totally out of control. I cried several nights about it and prayed to God to take it away from me at any cost. Appa stopped joking with me. From that day onwards he spoke to me only very few words and only when it was absolutely necessary. There was one instance when I noticed tears welling up in Appa’s eyes when I teased a neighbour of ours who was talking to Appa about something serious. That man took it lightly since he knew me and so he joked back and continued the chat. Every time Appa heard me tease someone, he was feeling guilty for it was he who taught me this bad habit. I was his only child and so he wanted me to be bold like him and face the world head-on. I was sincerely trying to control myself but in vain. I tried several remedies such as slapping myself even in public after teasing someone but nothing worked out. It kept becoming worse. One day I teased the mother of a man who had come home with their entire family to see me after my parents accepted their interest in a matrimonial portal. I was very conscious about that bad habit of mine and even spoke about it to the gentleman just a few moments before I teased her back. The teasing was so pointed that she shed tears in front of everybody. Appa came to my room that night after Amma had slept and begged me not to curse him since he was the reason for spoiling her life. I tried to console him very much but it seemed like I was talking to a rock. I cried that whole night. The very next morning I decided not to go out of the house for any reason anymore and to discontinue my studies at college. I was determined to stop this habit at any cost. No friends, no neighbours, nothing. And yes, I finished my graduation through distance education mode. Three whole years of secluded life at home finally helped me break away from the chains of that slavery.”
“In the meantime, during those 3 years, I researched a lot in detail about these complicated conditions. I couldn’t find anything specific or worthwhile and so after almost a year into seclusion, I developed the habit of meditation and started enjoying my conversations with the ONE. The Infinite ONE whom many call God. I knew deep inside me that He would certainly know the way out of all complicated problems in life since He is the author of the universe and also that He is the source of the ultimate TRUTH.”
The clock strikes 12 am.
“It’s midnight already Shravan, shall we continue tomorrow?” She looks at all four faces and all are fully charged up and hooked to the story. The expressions on their faces are crystal clear that they will not allow her to stop midway for any reason whatsoever. She continues.
“One day at around 4 am, I was meditating and I hear a clear voice of a man as if that man was standing behind my neck and whispering to me. Yes, whisper but a clear voice of a man. I turn around to see nobody. The voice said, ‘Stop getting confused and keep aside all your questions about your future and present life.’ Several weeks went by and gradually peace and calmness took centre stage in all my meditations and all my worries about my future and the concerns of my parents started to vanish. I was simply enjoying the reality of the Creator of the universe, wondering at the complexity of a simple but beautiful flower in the garden, and the simplicity of the complex, vast, and precisely designed universe. Almost two and half years went by and this was the first time I decided to have food along with my parents with a peaceful smile on my face. They were happy seeing me that way, however, I refrained from talking to them unless it was absolutely necessary. The next few months were super interesting and I received answers to all my questions that I had in life till that day from none other than the owner of my life, my Creator Himself. I’ll keep it short for now since it’s already too late and so I’ll touch upon just one question related to my bad habit of teasing others alone. Rest all we’ll see some other day.”
HIS Whisper
“My question was as follows, ‘What is wrong with a father thinking that his daughter has to be bold in facing people in society? More so, today’s society is in a distressing mode and it would most certainly be rude to her or tease her or insult her even when she didn’t deserve any of that. Unless she is allowed to face such well-intentioned teasing at home, how will she be able to handle it while she is out in the open in a wicked society? Her classmates, teachers, friends, enemies, boss, while shopping, cab driver, plumber, and her husband in future might tease her and if she is not emotionally and mentally ready to handle all this, she will feel depressed and cornered. Won’t she? To train a child right from its early days at home to be a fighter is the right thing to do in my opinion too, then why am I getting unnecessary doubts about that reasonable approach of my Appa’s today? My Appa also strongly believes that his approach was entirely wrong, why? To be frank, I wanted a big lecture from God about this because to my mind this was a very complicated problem which has brought my life to a standstill. The answers which usually come as a whisper in the right ear unexpectedly during my meditation between 3-4 am were usually simple and straightforward without any necessity for further clarity. However, the answer to this most critical question, about teasing, did not come until the mid of the 3rd year of my secluded life. To my utter dismay, the whisper was too short with very few words, and cryptic too.”
Whisper: “Humility, Love, and Pity can decimate any offence put forth with Knowledge, Experience, and Shrewdness and can also heal all the hidden wounds.”
“It took me over 6 months to decipher the intended meaning. The clarity of this statement and its relevance to my question started revealing itself only when my mind was as calm and free as a sleeping newborn. If I were to summarise all my learnings into three cute points; I as a child should have been taught to-
1. Love mankind despite its misgivings and that is when the child learns the art of destroying all those packets of hatred hurled at it in the form of teasing or an insult or injustice. If training was given during childhood to try different formats and intensity of Love based on the circumstances in return for teasing, the child would have become an expert in it before its teenage days and would never be disheartened when it confronts any level of hatred or insult in its entire life.
2. The moment the child learns to sufficiently pity the poor emotional state of the person who is hurling insults, the child would easily be able to sympathize with that person himself. This quickly enlivens the realization in the child that only a deeply hurt person can find joy in teasing or insulting or hurting other living beings. The more equipped the child gets in this, the better it succeeds in nullifying any type of insult from anybody in the world.
3. As we all know, Humility is the queen of all virtues. There will be teasing and pointing fingers when the child errs too. All such instances can be neatly acknowledged if the child was taught about the greatness and benefits of Humility when someone attempts to correct her mistake. The deeper the child gets to understand humility, the easier it becomes for the child to ignore the tone or style, or personality of the person correcting her and focus only on the error being pointed out to it.”
“Instead, we prioritize teaching our kids to upgrade their knowledge about all technical fields currently available on earth to win every argument that comes it’s way. Then we teach them either to suppress their emotions if the teasing was from elders or to tease back on all other cases. Then few other parents go one step ahead to train their children to be overtly extroverts and shrewd and imitate themselves to bully whoever comes their way since winning and scoring is the only mantra in their world.”
“One fine morning, after meditation on the terrace, I went out for a walk in a nearby park for the first time in 3 years. I caressed a few flowers out there and felt as light and free as the hummingbird sitting on the shrub next to me. I picked up my phone and called Appa and he reached my seat in around 15 minutes. He looked calm and peaceful too. He knew that I wanted to talk to him for a while and also could perceive that I’d conquered the devil in me. Before I started, he said- ‘I am Sorry my child’. And in response to that, I usually say, ‘It is not your fault Appa’ but for the first time after several years and around 500 sorries regarding this, I replied saying, ‘I accept your sorry, Appa’. ‘Let us both not repeat that ever in our lives’. We spoke at length about how our simple and uneducated Amma had the wisdom to never tease anybody in her whole life despite being teased by her daughter and husband infinite times. And that very year I get married to you, my dear. That is the end of my flashback. Let’s go to sleep”.
Envious Kiss
The clock strikes 3 am. Thaatha has one tear flowing down his cheek. Paatti is wiping her tears. Shravan is wiping his. Shankar gets up from his recliner and comes to sit near Rekha. He hugs her, kisses her cheek, and says, “Sorry my dear. It was all my fault. Even though I did not dare to tease my dear Lakshmikutty ever, I was the one who allowed Shravan to tease her because of my stupid and dangerous notion about boldness and handling interpersonal relationships.” Rekha doesn’t waste a moment to kiss him back and say, “The greatness of my loving husband is his humility and love. From now on he’ll enjoy the beauty of pitying even people who have the habit of insulting people around them. He is a super fast learner. Not like me. That’s why he is always my boss.” Shravan stands up energized seeing the love expressed by his parents and he says, “Amma, I want to say sorry to Lakshmikutty right now. Rekha pauses for a few seconds and says, “Fine, calm down and come behind me silently.” All of them stand up slowly and walk behind Rekha like a group of thieves in a cartoon. Rekha slowly peeps into Lakshmikutty’s room and switches on the night lamp. She asks all of them to stay out and then goes near Lakshmi to see if she is fast asleep. Then she comes out and instructs Shravan to say sorry without making any sound by standing next to her bed. He smiles and agrees. Then she leads him inside the room. The rest of them also follow Rekha silently. Shravan walks up to her and quickly kisses Lakshmikutty’s forehead. The rest look at each other and smile. Then Shankar pushes Rekha and Shravan to the side a bit and kisses Lakshmikutty’s cheek even before Rekha could say No and ask everyone to leave without disturbing the kid. Rekha turns around and sees that Thaatha and Paatti are looking at her pathetically. She smiles at them and nods. Both of them slowly bend and kiss the kid. All are happy. Then she asks all of them to get out silently. All four of them are blankly staring at Rekha now. She takes a moment to realize that the reason for their stare was to remind her that she hasn’t kissed the kid as yet. She bends hesitantly to please them and kisses the kid on her cheek. The very next moment to everyone’s surprise Lakshmikutty kissed Amma on her nose and said, “Goodnight Rekhamma”. It took some time for all to realize that Lakshmikutty was actually sleep-talking but envy was visible on each of their faces since none of them got a kiss back from the child. However, after a few seconds, they all leave the room happy and smiling. Until that day Thaatha and Paatti used to call her Rekha but when they were just out of the room both of them wish her, “Goodnight Rekhamma”, followed by Shravan. From that night onwards Shravan also started calling her Rekhamma.
Shankar asks, “Love, Humility, Pity and all such virtues, yes, true…but what is the easiest and the best way to teach kids about it”. Rekha was waiting for that question from someone and she is all the more happy when she says, “PRACTICE IT ALWAYS, AT LEAST WHEN IN THEIR PRESENCE AND THE CHILDREN WILL BECOME BETTER AT IT BY IMITATING YOU”.