If you leave your kid with a daycare lady, will she be able to love (interact) your child the way the child’s mother would have loved? No is the default answer to that however there are exceptions. My passion for working, insufficiency of money to manage a home, and similar other excuses that pop up in our mind, will sound baseless if the child had the capacity to talk to you in Hindi or Tamil even when the infant was in the womb or when the child was one year old. The rationale that you hold now will sound even more absurd if the child knew how to logically defend its right to be loved all throughout the development and formative years which is until the child is around 8 years of age. Let’s say your child now which is 3 years old initiates a serious conversation with you as follows;
Lily: Appa, I will be very thankful to you and Amma if you both ensure that at least one of you stays with me always until I am confident of being on my own and independent.
Appa: We would certainly love to do my dear but we have to make money for your education and future savings. You won’t understand all this now. When you grow up you’ll realise.
Lily: But can’t we live with the earnings of one of you? Won’t that be sufficient?
Appa: It is never sufficient my dear. I say so not because of my greed for money but that is how intelligent people plan their life smartly. We have no idea if and when some unfortunate incident such as a terminal illness or accident or loss of job, will come into our otherwise peaceful life and so we need to accumulate as much as possible when we have the opportunity to do it.
Lily: Is that what you people call intelligence and planning? Haven’t you learnt permutations and combinations at school or at least the basics of how to cling to the most viable outcome after considering the various probabilistic scenarios?
Appa: [Dumbfounded]
Lily: You are given two ways to choose from today;
1. To love me by being physically and mentally available for me whenever I need my parent at least until I become independent in all sense.
2. To leave me in the care of another person by giving me an excuse that someday in the future there will come a flood that will take away half of our earnings.
Appa: [Hearing this conversation Amma joins silently]
Lily: Now tell me, don’t you have the common sense to realise that either way I stand to lose if you decide to leave me alone with someone else?
1. If this so-called flood doesn’t come someday in the future as feared by you all your life, you’ll have excess money but I would have lost my childhood days by spending it in your absence.
2. If this so-called flood comes in the future as feared by you and wipes off half of your savings, that would still not be a good enough reason to have denied me my basic right to be loved during the early formative years of my life.
3. If this so-called flood comes and wipes off your entire savings and takes away your life too then I still stand to lose since my lost childhood is lost anyway.
4. If this so-called flood rises and takes my life before your’s then I lose it both ways again.
Appa: [silently staring at Amma]
Lily: Don’t you think that the logic which you hold high as if it was some kind of a sacrifice for the sake of your children is in its real sense selfish and cruel?
Appa: That is not a fair accusation Lily. I would be more than happy to stay home and play with you instead of slogging at the office the whole day. But in that case, we won’t have a car at home, you won’t be able to go to an international school, we won’t have access to a multi-speciality hospital when in need, we won’t be able to go on tours, colorful dresses, jewellery and a thousand other beautiful things that we see in this world around us.
Lily: That is a silly and superficial defence that parents have been putting forth since the beginning of this world. You claim that you are doing it all for my sake but will you stop doing it your way if I give it to you in writing that I prefer that you prioritise your availability for me full-time during my formative years?
Appa: I will certainly do so my dear. If you say so, I will prioritise that over anything else.
Lily: What about Amma?
Appa: I don’t know about Amma’s perspective Lily, but I will certainly stay home with you until you start going to school.
Lily: Not good enough Appa. I prefer homeschooling at least until I am 10 or 11 years of age.
Appa: [Blinking]
Lilly: I have a very specific reason for what and why I say that.
Appa: But dear home schooling is costlier than normal schooling and how then will I be able to afford that since I won’t be working to earn?
Lily: Amma will be working right? Her income is more than enough for basic homeschooling.
Amma: [staring at Appa worriedly not knowing how to react]
Appa: But if you don’t go to school right from your childhood how will you be able to learn socializing with the world outside? You will find it very difficult to manage when you start going to school at a later age.
Lily: Don’t you people know as yet that such formalised collective format of the education system has only fed children with dirt rather than done any overall good? Look at yourselves. This kind of aimless and nonsensical perspective about man’s purpose in life is one of the direct outcomes of such hopeless rituals which the society promotes as formal education for human beings.
Appa: Are you saying you don’t intend to go to school at all?
Lily: All I am saying is to try your level best to not get washed away in the filth that is flowing all around us in this world. Take calculated steps and attempt to cross the dirty stream only when it is absolutely necessary instead of giving excuses to jump into the stream every now and then.
Amma: Lily’mole, all that you are saying sounds good to hear but this is not a practical solution.
Lily: Amma, avoid making generic statements and try to raise objections to any of my specific points and show why it is not practical. Superficial responses are one of the important tricks that the devil uses to trade lies into our belief system.
Appa: mole, don’t worry, I will enquire about homeschooling and we shall ensure that you are enrolled in it.
Lily: Thank you Appa. I love you. Good to hear that.
Appa: Love you too dear.
Lily: I would have loved to have both of you at home with me but since one of you has to work, I will have to manage without one of you. That is sad.
Amma: Then can’t you manage for some time with Aunt Elisa until we both reach home after work?
Appa: [facepalm]
Lily: Appa, looks like I have to start all over again.
Appa: Please don’t my dear. I shall explain it all to Amma later. You may continue playing, I shall join you. Come.
Lily: No Appa. Let’s sort this out for Amma now else it might be too late tomorrow.
Appa: [facepalmed again but then pitifully looking at Amma]
Lily: Why can’t we just choose to swap this role so that Appa can go to work at the office and Amma can stay at home with me?
Appa: mole, Amma is well educated and she is capable of earning to provide for our family.
Amma: 20 years of education should not be wasted by sitting idle at home.
Lily: Amma, did no one teach you to date that the most important responsibility of a mother is to take good care of her child and not to prove to someone or herself that her education qualification is put to good use with monetary returns? Catechism, Parents, Teachers, Society, no one taught you these basics?
Appa: [is trying to ask Amma to stay quiet but she doesn’t intend to slow down a bit]
Amma: You have no idea how much pain a mother goes through during pregnancy, delivery, loss of sleep during infancy, feeding milk repeatedly during the whole day, and nursing you until you become a healthy toddler.
Lily: Thank you so much for all that Amma. How much money do you want me to pay you for taking all that pain? I shall try to pay that to you when I make some money after I grow up.
Amma: Don’t be stupid Lily. It was not for money, it was out of my love for you.
Lily: The way you listed out all your pains made me feel that you were forced by someone to take the pain.
Amma: [Blinking]
Lily: Amma, if you loved me so much and if you enjoyed all that pain then why this sudden change of mind and lack of love now that I am 3 years old? Don’t you want to stay with me anymore, play with me, read out stories to me, teach me about God, and so on? What makes you feel that the deadline is over and now you have to go to work in some office? Do you love the people at your office more than me?
Appa: It is not like that molu.
Lily: Why Appa? You wanted to stay with me at least when I reminded you to do so but why doesn’t Amma prefer to stay with me? Or want to eagerly wait for me when I reach home from school? Or teach me when I am homeschooling? Or help me learn about all aspects of the world outside by being with me all along? Is it because of any fault of mine?
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